


face the sun

by thunderylee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff, M/M, Pansexual Character, Romance, right in the feels, tiny human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-31 15:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12135165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Secrets don’t keep friends…or secrets.





	face the sun

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck. i don't know baekbeom's wife's given name, so i made it up.

In his short time as an idol, which sometimes feels like several lifetimes, Byun Baekhyun has mastered the art of keeping secrets. He prides himself on being an honest person, but living his life in the spotlight comes with a lot of stipulations. Even between the members, he’s learned to appreciate the blissful oblivion that comes with not knowing everything about everybody—especially if the other option is a loud clash of short tempers fueled by close quarters and sleep deprivation.

Park Chanyeol is the exact opposite, still wide-eyed and curious about the world even as a grown man. This is why Baekhyun’s positively amazed that Chanyeol hasn’t asked where they’re going yet. They’ve been on the train for a couple hours now, bags packed for an overnight trip during the first back-to-back days off they’ve had in probably two years.

They had left early enough this morning that Baekhyun could attribute Chanyeol’s silence to sleepiness, but now Chanyeol’s eyes are as bright as the sun filtering in through the dirty windows and Baekhyun stares at him more than he should on public transit.

Once upon a time, Chanyeol was one of his secrets. Maybe even the first one he actually had to keep.

“Baekhyunnie?” Chanyeol asks, pulling Baekhyun out of his thoughts. “You’re looking at me weirdly. Do I have something on my face?”

“Just your giant Dumbo ears,” Baekhyun teases, smiling when Chanyeol grins. “Are you bored yet?”

Chanyeol shakes his head and gazes out the window at the countryside. “I haven’t been to this area before. Everything is so pretty.”

“It is.”

This is Baekhyun’s first time travelling so far south too. The commute is definitely too much for a day trip, but perfect for an overnight stay. He’d claimed Chanyeol the instant they’d gotten their monthly schedules; come to think of it, Chanyeol hadn’t asked any questions then either. He always did like surprises.

Baekhyun tries not to smirk. He’s definitely got a big surprise planned.

When they finally get off the train, Chanyeol hops from side to side and glances around the station until he lays eyes on a familiar face. “Baekbeom-sshi!”

One would think Byun Baekbeom was _Chanyeol’s_ older brother by the way they run toward each other, embracing like best friends who haven’t seen each other for over a year. While the timing is accurate (Baekbeom’s wedding was the last and only time they’ve met), the relationship isn’t. Baekbeom is just friendly toward everyone and Chanyeol is a natural hug enthusiast.

“Do you two need a moment?” Baekhyun jokes, earning a punch in both arms. “Hey! Don’t hit me!”

“I’ll hit my little brother all I want!” Baekbeom ruffles Baekhyun’s hair so much that Baekhyun doesn’t even bother fixing it on the way to the car. He doubts the elderly couple or group of teenage boys at this train station in the middle of nowhere even know who EXO are. Even if they do, his fans love seeing him disheveled anyway.

He’s immediately banished to the backseat of his own brother’s car after Chanyeol calls shotgun like a true child. That’s fine, Baekhyun thinks to himself. He will get his retribution soon enough.

“What are you grinning for?” Chanyeol asks, catching Baekhyun’s eye in the side mirror. “You look like a psycho when you do that, you know.”

“Maybe I am a psycho,” Baekhyun says in a low voice. “Maybe I brought you out here to chop you up and sell your body parts to crazy fangirls.”

“Be sure to get market price for them,” Chanyeol plays right along. Baekbeom rolls his eyes. “I hope Taeyeon-noona likes having a convict boyfriend.”

Now Baekbeom’s the one glancing at Baekhyun in the mirror. Baekhyun stares back in a silent plea and Baekbeom must be feeling merciful because he doesn’t say anything on the topic. Instead, he engages Chanyeol in random conversation that is far away from female pop idols, distracting him from both Kim Taeyeon and what lies ahead.

It’s not entirely for his benefit, Baekhyun knows. Baekbeom enjoys shocking people as much as Baekhyun does. If they had grown up closer in age, they’d have probably gotten into trouble by pranking so much. Maybe that’s a good thing, even if Baekhyun feels like they didn’t really get to know each other until they grew up. By the time Baekhyun was old enough to play with the big kids, Baekbeom was a teenager with his own friends. All Baekhyun remembers from his childhood is being a burden when Baekbeom had to watch him after school and on weekends. Not that he wasn’t an annoying pain in the ass who demanded attention at all times and might have lost Baekbeom a couple girlfriends by telling them things he definitely shouldn’t have…he wasn’t _always_ good at keeping secrets.

Now Baekbeom is married and—well, Baekhyun’s life is about to change for sure. He’s the first one out of the car when they pull up to the two-story house that matches every other one on the street. Abandoning his bag in the backseat, he pulls out his phone and turns on the video recorder. He nods at Baekbeom, who flings a quick hand signal like they’re running a covert operation and calls for his wife.

Baekhyun keeps his phone pointed at Chanyeol’s face, ready to capture the moment. Chanyeol gives him a weird look when he notices, but it’s followed by a ridiculous expression that is going right on Baekhyun’s Instagram as soon as he gets his brother’s new Wi-Fi password.

“Baekhyun! Chanyeol!” Byun Hyejin exclaims from the front door, her arms full of what looks like a pile of blankets. Baekhyun knows better. The grin spreads on his face as he films Chanyeol’s reaction, which gradually shifts from confusion to curiosity to—

“BABY?!”

Baekhyun tries not to laugh at the impossibly high pitch that would have definitely woken his new niece had she actually been asleep. As it is, the tiny person in Hyejin’s arms eyeballs Chanyeol like she’s sizing up the competition for making the most noise, letting out a piercing cry that shows everyone who holds that title.

“May I present Byun Haenim!” Baekbeom declares, his grin rivalling Baekhyun’s. “Haenim-ah, meet your uncles Baekhyun and Chanyeol!”

It’s a little weird that he calls Chanyeol an uncle too, but Baekhyun thinks that Baekbeom could have introduced Chanyeol as a dinosaur and Chanyeol wouldn’t have noticed with the way he’s cooing over the baby girl. His face is brighter than when they had played with the twins on TV and Baekhyun wonders if it’s because Haenim is an infant, a girl, or biologically related to someone he knows. Probably all three.

“Do you want to hold her?” Hyejin asks, and Chanyeol stares at her like she’d just offered to worship him like a god. “What is that face for? It’s just a baby.”

“Let them get settled first—” Baekbeom starts.

“YES I WILL HOLD HER,” Chanyeol declares loudly, still looking like a living :D emoticon as he carefully accepts the squirmy bundle. “I didn’t even know you two were expecting! When was she born?”

“We kept it low-key,” Hyejin says, shooting Baekhyun a wink that says her silence is only temporary. “It’s been about two months now.”

“I am so mad at your uncle,” Chanyeol says in this fake baby voice, making faces at Haenim who makes faces right back. “He didn’t tell any of us about you! Who withholds important information like that?!”

“He wanted to surprise you, obviously,” Hyejin says, hands on hips in her house sweats. “He told us you get deliriously happy around babies, so we agreed to lend you ours for a little while.”

Baekhyun waves his phone as Chanyeol shoots him an unimpressed glance. “This is _so_ going on the Internet.”

“Whatever, grab my bag,” Chanyeol calls over his shoulder as Hyejin ushers him into the house. Baekhyun rolls his eyes but carries both of their bags, pausing when he sees his brother’s knowing look.

“What?” Baekhyun asks innocently.

“You didn’t tell him about Taeyeon,” Baekbeom accuses. “Haenim I get, but why keep Taeyeon a secret?”

“I have my reasons,” Baekhyun replies, looking away from Baekbeom’s face before he gives himself away. “Let it go.”

“I didn’t raise you to be a liar, Baekhyun,” Baekbeom hisses just before they join the others.

Baekhyun ignores him and flops next to Chanyeol on the couch, leaning over Chanyeol’s gangly arms to poke his niece. This is probably as close as he’s going to get to her the entire time they’re here, which is fine with him. He’s not nearly as crazy about babies as Chanyeol. Maybe when Haenim gets older, Baekhyun will be more excited to play with her. Right now she’s just making unintelligible sounds and reaching her tiny little hands out toward whoever holds her.

That’s more than enough for Chanyeol, who is enamored by every noise and move she makes like she were his own daughter. The thought of Chanyeol having kids is so surreal to Baekhyun, though he doesn’t doubt that it will happen someday. The mother part might be difficult, but once he’s got that, Baekhyun imagines a whole baseball team of Park spawn, all with Chanyeol’s big ears and lanky build.

“What’s so funny?” Chanyeol asks, the first thing he’s said that wasn’t directed to Haenim or spoken through her like he was incapable of addressing anyone else..

“Your maternal instinct,” Baekhyun replies, smirking when Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “This was totally worth keeping it secret for almost a year.”

Chanyeol hides a smile. “I’m still mad that you didn’t tell me, but I’m happy you thought to bring me here. Even if it’s only because Taeyeon-noona was clearly busy.”

Hyejin snorts and Baekhyun’s stomach drops to his knees; he has about fifteen seconds to diffuse this situation before Chanyeol finds out the truth.

“So what’s good to eat around here, hyung?” he asks a little too loudly, earning an odd look from Chanyeol and absolutely no remorse from brother’s wife.

“Honey, let’s get takeout from that place down the street—”

Bless Baekbeom for trying, but Hyejin’s already taking the position of crossed sister-in-law. “Busy, right. Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

“Noona,” Baekhyun says gently, trying not to be too disrespectful. “Please don’t talk about her like that. We’re still friends.”

“She dumped you for some loser musician!” Hyejin screams, not even trying to be sane about it. In any other situation, Baekhyun might be flattered that she thinks so highly of him to be affronted on his behalf, but now he just winces. While Chanyeol probably isn’t really that upset about Baekhyun hiding Haenim from him, he isn’t going to like this one bit.

“It was a mutual decision,” Baekhyun says firmly, then braces himself as he turns to Chanyeol. If he’d wanted Chanyeol’s attention over the baby, he certainly got it; Chanyeol’s staring at Baekhyun in disbelief as he clutches Haenim to his chest like her closeness makes him feel less betrayed. Haenim doesn’t seem very pleased about being squished, but Chanyeol’s heartbeat and even breathing must be soothing enough for her to tolerate it quietly.

“I should have told you,” Baekhyun answers the unspoken question. “I didn’t tell anyone. Just my brother. It was easier to let everyone go on thinking we were still together—”

“I’m. Not. _Everyone_.”

Chanyeol’s hissing through his teeth and Baekhyun’s first thought is that somebody who is not him should probably take the baby from him before he gets any angrier. As it is, Baekhyun scoots to the far end of the couch and holds up both hands in mock surrender, his heart pounding in his chest as he witnesses a pissed off Park Chanyeol for the second time in his life.

“Takeout sounds like a great idea,” Hyejin announces, shoving her husband toward the door. “You two are okay to watch her for a few, right?”

“Noona—” Baekhyun starts, huffing when he sees Baekbeom’s _you did this to yourself_ face. “Are you really leaving the house looking like that?”

Hyejin laughs out loud. “Looking like what? A mother? A woman? You’re too spoiled on pretty idol girls, Baekhyun-ah. Sometimes I wonder how you both got anywhere on time.”

“We never really went anywhere,” Baekhyun admits. “Our schedules rarely matched up, and when they did it was for maybe an hour late at night.”

“She was all wrong for him anyway,” Baekbeom inputs, playing with his wife’s lazy ponytail. “Baekhyun has to be the pretty one in the relationship.”

Baekhyun wants them to just go already, but he can’t bring himself to be rude in his brother’s house. He takes their goading until they finally do leave, pointedly mentioning some other errands they need to run before they pick up the food. The door closes behind them and the silence is so thick that not even Haenim’s baby gurgles can penetrate it.

“Did she really want to be with someone else?” Chanyeol asks quietly. He’s scrunching Haenim’s blanket and Haenim does not seem to like that one bit, her defiant punching and kicking going unnoticed.

“Sort of,” Baekhyun says, sighing as he resigns himself to reliving the whole thing over again. “We never had a chance to spend any time together, you know? It was taxing on both of us. I was used to having someone close by most of the time—”

He cuts himself off as he realizes what he just said, head snapping toward Chanyeol for a reaction. Chanyeol’s just staring at Haenim, who has calmed down now that he’s gently brushing the small tufts of hair on her head with his knuckles.

“When?”

“February,” Baekhyun says quickly, then rushes on through Chanyeol’s sharp inhale. “Everything was going on with Tao and I didn’t want the attention on me by announcing a breakup and it’s easier for her to sneak around with her new guy and…”

“And?” Chanyeol prompts, like he already knows what Baekhyun is going to say, and he probably does.

“And you had _just_ started being friendly with me again,” Baekhyun says outright. “You went so long without even talking to me and then when you finally did we were barely speaking. The longer I was with Taeyeon-noona, the more comfortable you got with me, and the more you let yourself go back to how we were before.”

“And you thought lying to me would make that _better_?” Chanyeol asks incredulously. His rage has softened to indignant hurt and Baekhyun would rather Chanyeol yell at him than look at him like a kicked puppy who’s two minutes away from crying.

“I didn’t _lie_ ,” Baekhyun points out. “You never asked about her and I never said anything about us still being together. It was misleading, sure, but Chanyeollie I was so happy we were friends again that I would have said _anything_ to keep it that way.”

“What else have you lied to me about, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol demands.

“Nothing, I swear,” Baekhyun pleads. “Look, I brought you here because I wanted to make you happy. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Taeyeon-noona. Don’t let it ruin your mood, yeah? You can be mad at me when we get back to the dorms. I’ll even let you call me out in front of everyone.”

“I’m not mad,” Chanyeol says, blinking big eyes that shine with concern. “I should have been there for you when you were going through this. Why did you keep it all to yourself? You’re always like that! You have this perfect stage face you show everyone but a real face that you show no one. Did Taeyeon-noona even know you past your 24/7 fanservice?”

“No,” Baekhyun answers, surprising Chanyeol for the second time today with such a blunt response. “I showed her the fakest face of all, because I wanted her to like me.”

“Stupid,” Chanyeol mutters, hugging Haenim tightly like he needs the physical comfort. “Part of loving someone is trusting them enough to take off the mask.”

“You’re right,” Baekhyun says. “I’m so sorry, Chanyeol. I should have told at least you, even if it meant you’d be weird around me again.”

“I wouldn’t have,” Chanyeol says so firmly that Baekhyun believes him with every fibre of his being. “I’m over that, I promise. And for what it’s worth, I’m happier knowing I was your first choice to meet your niece.”

“Nobody will love her more than you.” The smile slowly returns to Baekhyun’s face. “Maybe she’ll help you bide your time until you can have babies for real.”

Chanyeol snorts so unattractively that Baekhyun almost makes fun of him, but then he notices the uncharacteristic scowl on Chanyeol’s face.

“What?” Baekhyun prods. “Don’t you want kids? You sure become a mess around other people’s.”

“Of course I want kids,” Chanyeol answers, suddenly so bitter that Baekhyun seriously wonders if he’s been possessed by a demon. “That’s not exactly something someone in my situation can do, is it?”

“We won’t be idols forever,” Baekhyun assures him, still astounded at Chanyeol’s drastic mood swing. “After we return from military service, you’ll have plenty of time to find a wife and—”

“A wife?” Chanyeol interrupts, giving Baekhyun an insulted look. “Baekhyun, I’m _gay_. Did you make yourself forget that in your little twisted journey to absolution?”

“Well, we’re all a little bit gay,” Baekhyun says with a laugh. “I mean, it’s part of the job, right?”

“ _Wrong_.” Chanyeol balances Haenim on his lap to cover her ears with his giant hands. “I’m all the way gay, Baekhyun. Strictly dickly. I’ve fucked more men this year than you probably fucked Taeyeon-noona the entire time you were together.”

“If it’s more than two, then that’s accurate,” Baekhyun half jokes, half sobs as the reality of this conversation comes crashing down on him. Of _course_. “Are you gay because of me?”

“Are you actually so vain that you think my entire sexuality is based on a few months fumbling around in your pants?”

Baekhyun feels his cheeks burning, just like any other time he lets himself remember debut era. “It was more than that, wasn’t it?”

“Was it?” Chanyeol cocks his head sarcastically. “I wouldn’t know, Baekhyun. You were so excited about the whole thing, hiding it like I was your dirty little secret, teasing me at every possible opportunity—”

“You’re the one who ended it!” Baekhyun exclaims, shaking as everything he’s tried to push out of his mind comes flooding back like a tsunami. “You shut me down, just like that. One minute we were having fun, the next you were switching rooms. I don’t _get_ you, Park Chanyeol! If you were only into girls, it would make sense, but you’re into dudes and _clearly I’m a dude_ so what was the problem?!”

Haenim demands both of their attention with a sharp shriek, one that has a definite meaning. Chanyeol slips his hand into the blanket and makes a face that Baekhyun reads fluently.

“She needs to be changed.”

“I’ll do it,” Baekhyun offers. “It might be the only way I get to hold her while you’re here.”

“I can do it,” Chanyeol huffs, and Baekhyun sighs as they both kneel by the diaper bag. He helps by holding Haenim still, mesmerized by her soft skin and big brown eyes while Chanyeol cleans her up and fastens a new diaper. His motions are so careful and gentle that now Baekhyun’s mesmerized by _him_ , no longer regretting everything that led to the argument they honestly should have had two years ago.

“When we return from our military service,” Baekhyun says quietly, “you can find a husband and adopt a whole hoard of kids. There are a million babies all over the world who need loving homes. Those agencies would be dumb not to let you raise every single one of them, regardless of who with.”

Chanyeol lifts his gaze, locking eyes with Baekhyun for the first time since his admission, and Baekhyun has no idea what to expect. Very rarely is Park Chanyeol unpredictable and this is one of those moments. Something flashes in his eyes, something Baekhyun can’t decipher, but then a smile graces his face and Baekhyun’s so relieved that he leans down to give his niece a double upside-down high five.

“Thanks, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekbeom and Hyejin weren’t kidding about being gone a while, and Baekhyun’s about to text his brother about actually being _really_ hungry when the front door opens and Haenim lets out a squeal of recognition. Hyejin runs to her daughter like they’d been separated for years while Baekbeom balances bags of takeout and other things that Baekhyun jumps to help him with.

“You two get things worked out?” Baekbeom whispers as they put away groceries.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun admits, feeling like he’s twelve years old and confessing to getting into his brother’s porn again. “Thanks for _throwing me under the bus_.”

“Hey, that was all Hyejin,” Baekbeom says with a grin. “She hates liars more than I do. So what are the sleeping arrangements?”

“What?” Baekhyun asks, struggling to catch up with Baekbeom’s endless train of thought. “Didn’t you say you had a spare room?”

“It’s okay to share?” Baekbeom raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be? We’re not fighting or anything. He was just upset that he couldn’t help me get through the breakup.”

“Sounds like he cares about you a lot.” Baekbeom turns away to rustle in the cabinet for dishes.

“That’s just who he is,” Baekhyun says. “He cares about everyone.”

Baekbeom hums noncommittally and Baekhyun gives him a weird look before joining the others at the table. Haenim does not approve of being left alone in the other room one bit, screaming her head off until Hyejin goes to get her. Hyejin performs a precarious balancing act of holding her daughter and stuffing her own face until Chanyeol offers to take over.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Hyejin questions. “You’re so skinny already! Eat up so you can be plump like Baekhyun.”

“Hey!” Baekhyun exclaims while Chanyeol and Baekbeom laugh into their hands. “I’m perfectly fit!”

“Okay, bubble butt,” Baekbeom teases, and Baekhyun’s about to inform his brother exactly how much people like his backside when Chanyeol scarfs down his entire bowl and holds out his hands to Hyejin expectedly.

“You’re going to have indigestion,” Hyejin tells him. Though for someone who’s so concerned, she sure transfers her daughter to Chanyeol’s arms rather fast.

“We’re trained to eat in two minutes, sometimes on our way to bed,” Chanyeol says, using that baby voice again like he’s talking to just Haenim instead of everyone else. “I’ve got an iron stomach.”

Baekhyun nods his agreement and returns to his own bowl. Clearly displeased with EXO’s tightly-packed schedules, Hyejin starts asking prying questions about their jobs that has Baekhyun feeling like he’s being interrogated by the police. Luckily, he’s saved by more of Haenim’s I-want-something cries, and the something that she wants this time is what everyone else is having—food.

“Usually I breast feed, but you and I aren’t that close,” Hyejin jokes to Chanyeol, who flushes bright red at the implication. Both Byun brothers snicker at him. “I’ll get a bottle ready.”

“Is she just gonna squeeze it out in there?” Chanyeol asks, looking from Baekhyun to Baekbeom and back again.

Baekbeom laughs first and Baekhyun can’t stop himself from following. “She uses a pump,” Baekbeom informs them. “Then she can have bottles ready for when she’s not here or she doesn’t want to wake up…which is often.”

“Women’s bodies are _fascinating_ ,” Chanyeol says, drinking in all the information. Baekhyun turns to stare at him, knowing right then that Chanyeol’s never been intimate with a girl in his life. It shouldn’t be that incredible of a revelation, considering what Chanyeol had told him earlier, but Baekhyun didn’t make the connection until right now when they’re discussing how his sister-in-law gets breast milk into bottles.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Chanyeol asks, and Baekhyun blinks himself back to reality. “Do I have something on my face?”

“Actually, yes,” Baekhyun answers, picking up a grain of rice and flicking it right at Chanyeol’s cheek.

“How old are you really,” Chanyeol mutters, trying to wipe it off with his shoulder. “If I didn’t have your niece in my arms, I would get you back.”

“I’m terrified,” Baekhyun deadpans.

Hyejin returns with the bottle and shows Chanyeol how to hold it properly to keep the air bubbles from getting out. Haenim gulps down the milk like she had been starving and Baekbeom proudly comments on the Byun family appetite, which Baekhyun echoes by belching and helping himself to seconds.

“Do you want more?” Baekhyun asks Chanyeol, who looks longingly at both his empty bowl and the happily eating baby in his arms.

After an exaggerated eyeroll, Baekhyun pours Chanyeol another bowl and twists his left hand into a crude representation of proper chopstick holding. He pinches a bite and holds it up for Chanyeol, who gives him a weird look before leaning forward and taking the food into his mouth.

“What?” Baekhyun asks.

Chanyeol just shakes his head and chews, then pointedly opens his mouth for more.

“Who’s the child here?” Baekhyun teases, gradually falling into the rhythm of feeding himself and Chanyeol at the same time. He’s so focused that he doesn’t notice that his brother and sister-in-law have stopped chatting amongst themselves, both of them watching him intently when he turns to look at them.

“What?” he repeats.

Baekbeom and Hyejin shake their head at the same time like it was choreographed. Baekhyun just chalks it up to one of their strange married-people things and finishes eating. When they’re done, Chanyeol offers to do the dishes and plops Haenim into Baekhyun’s lap before he’s ready. He’s held babies before, but none who were this little and he would freeze from nerves if he didn’t need to constantly be moving to keep up with her. She’s sure incredibly active.

“She reminds me of you,” Baekbeom says to Baekhyun as he leans on one of the chairs. “You couldn’t stay still when you were a baby.”

“He still can’t,” Chanyeol calls out from the kitchen, but Baekhyun just smiles at his brother.

“You remember when I was a baby?”

“Kinda,” Baekbeom answers. He moves to stand behind Baekhyun, squeezing his shoulders and giving his hair a firm ruffle. “I was young, but I do remember the day you were born. I kept telling Mom to take you back because I didn’t want a little brother.”

“Nice,” Baekhyun scoffs. “I didn’t ask to be born either.”

“Hey, I got over it.” Baekbeom walks over to a shelf of cookbooks and starts thumbing through them. “Then I wanted you to get bigger so we could play together. You were so little and couldn’t really do anything, so I got frustrated a lot. Dad told me that since I was the older brother I needed to teach you things, but you were too young to learn anything.”

Hyejin disappears to the kitchen, but Baekhyun hardly notices. “All I remember is you whining about baby-sitting me because you couldn’t go out with your friends.”

“Ah, yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Baekbeom says as he selects a rather large binder. “I wasn’t a very good role model, but you still turned out okay. So far, anyway.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at the dusty photobook his brother sets on the table. “What’s that?”

“This, little brother, is my version of embarrassing you on Prom night.”

“BABY PICTURES?!” Chanyeol squeals, flying into the room with his arms covered in suds as Baekbeom flips open the binder to laminated photographs of a very small little boy with an even smaller bundle in his lap. Neither one of them looks too happy about it, Baekbeom glaring at the camera while Baekhyun’s tiny face is red and scrunched up in displeasure. Baekhyun’s already laughing before they even get to the unnecessary bathtub pictures.

“You know how much I could get for these on the Internet?” Hyejin asks, wide-eyed and devious.

“Don’t be gross, noona,” Baekhyun tells her, rushing to flip the page. “What am I even doing in this one?”

“I think you’re picking your nose,” Baekbeom answers, and Baekhyun can’t even be ashamed with this crowd. “I only stole the important pictures from Mom and Dad, you see.”

“Your ears are bigger than mine!” Chanyeol declares gleefully.

Baekhyun’s hands fly protectively up to his ears. “Yours stick out more,” he grumbles.

Page after page of Baekbeom and Baekhyun reluctantly posing together has Baekhyun happier than he’s been in a long time. He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted to bond with his brother until they were finally doing it, pointing and making fun of each other’s faces from birth up until Baekbeom left for college.

“She’s sleeping,” Hyejin announces, and Baekhyun abruptly tears his attention away from the photo album to look down at the snoozing baby in his arms. “Somehow she fell asleep during all of your loud reminiscing.”

“I hardly noticed because she’s still moving,” Baekhyun says incredulously, noting how Haenim’s eyelashes flutter against her cheeks as she dreams, chubby arms and legs flailing aimlessly.

Chanyeol looks up from Haenim to Baekhyun, his eyes just as fond. “You do that too.”

“You want to go put her down?” Hyejin asks Baekhyun. “I can take her if you aren’t comfortable walking with her.”

“I can carry her,” Baekhyun insists. He feels braver than any stage performance as he carefully stands up and makes his way down the hall, focusing so hard on keeping Haenim secure that he almost walks straight into the wall. Chanyeol instantly jumps up and follows, bracing his arms under Baekhyun’s like Baekhyun was actually going to drop her—though he has to admit, it does make this task marginally less terrifying.

“First door on the right,” Hyejin calls after them.

Chanyeol flips the light switch and they both gasp in awe at the decorations all around them. Baekbeom used to draw, Baekhyun remembers as he recognizes the cartoon animals splashed all over the walls. There are stuffed animals and toys everywhere even though Haenim won’t play with them for a while yet.

“If we’d had _known_ about this, we could have sent gifts!” Chanyeol mutters as Baekhyun slowly lays Haenim down in her crib. She stirs but stays asleep, adjusting easily to the new surface that is undoubtedly softer than Baekhyun’s chest.

“She’s so precious,” Baekhyun whispers, his heart swelling as it belatedly occurs to him that he’s an _uncle_. This little girl is his _niece_. He’d known about her the minute Hyejin had found out that she was pregnant, of course, but it had taken until right now for the reality of it all to smack him in the face. He gets to watch her grow up and teach her all the things his brother doesn’t want her to know. Maybe she’ll like to sing. Maybe she’ll be really good at it.

“She really is,” Chanyeol agrees, slinging an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders. It’s no different than any other time they’ve gotten close on or off camera, but Baekhyun’s so full of awe and nostalgia and _love_ that he leans into the embrace, letting Chanyeol hold him up in both the metaphorical and literal definitions of support.

“Everything okay?” Hyejin’s voice pierces his trance a few moments later, finding the two idols still staring over the edge of the crib at her daughter. “She’s amazing, isn’t she? I _made_ that.”

“Good job, Hyejin-sshi,” Chanyeol says quietly, smiling as Hyejin slings an arm around them both.

“Come, let’s leave her be.” She urges them back. “If Byun blood is good for anything, it’s sleeping. She might be out for the whole night.”

Chanyeol looks disappointed and Baekhyun stifles a laugh. “Chanyeol would sleep in here with her if his giraffe limbs could fit in the crib.”

Now Chanyeol’s looking at the dimensions of the crib like he’s actually considering it; it takes both Hyejin and Baekhyun to pull him back out into the living room, where Baekbeom has taken out a few board games. Baekhyun’s inner child cheers. He’d always wanted Baekbeom to play games with him as a kid, but apparently six years was enough of an age gap to consistently keep them on different levels.

It doesn’t go unnoticed that they’re finally on the same level as adults playing a children’s game. All four of them laugh and shove each other playfully until Baekhyun’s lying halfway on Chanyeol’s back and Baekbeom has his head in Hyejin’s lap.

They make it through a couple rounds of the game before Hyejin yawns so widely that it would be fake if her husband wasn’t already half asleep. “I think we’re gonna turn in! You boys help yourselves to the shower or whatever you need. There are towels and everything in the closet.”

“No pay-per-view porn,” Baekbeom says to Baekhyun with a serious face. “That shit’s expensive.”

“I’ll try to resist the urge,” Baekhyun replies dryly. “I could use a shower, though.”

“Unrelated guests first!” Hyejin says pointedly. Chanyeol sticks his tongue out at Baekhyun like the true child he is and gets to his feet, knocking Baekhyun to the floor and grabbing his bag.

Hyejin watches him disappear down the hallway and Baekhyun’s only thought is that at least she waited until he was gone. “I like him much better than her.”

“ _Noona_ ,” Baekhyun whines. “It’s not like that.”

“Could have fooled me.” Hyejin smacks her husband gently on the forehead and shoves him up, ignoring his whines. “Joke’s on you because the bed in our spare room isn’t that big. There’s always the couch, but…”

“Chanyeol could sleep with anyone, anywhere,” Baekhyun says. “Once I saw him stretched out on four folding chairs with another 6-ft-tall member curled up on top of him like he was a human mattress.”

“Be more jealous,” Baekbeom teases, and Baekhyun narrows his eyes until his brow bone hurts. “I hope your face freezes just like that so all of your fans can see how ugly you really are.”

“We look alike, so what does that say about you?” Baekhyun shoots back.

“Knock it off, children,” Hyejin says, then sighs as she looks at the ceiling. “Why is the actual baby the easiest person in this house to deal with right now?”

“Because she’s sleeping,” Baekbeom and Baekhyun reply in unison, then bump knuckles over the abandoned board game.

“I’ll pick up in here,” Baekhyun offers. “You two go to sleep. I’m sure you need it.”

Baekbeom grins at him. “You know what, kid? You’re not so bad after all.”

The few minutes of solitude while Chanyeol showers and his brother and sister-in-law disappear into their bedroom is comforting. Aside from his own showers, he hasn’t had much time to himself since he finished his stage plays. He has to share hotel rooms on tour, and even in the dorms Sehun takes up half of his bed when Junmyeon is up late studying. There is no such thing as privacy when one is in a 9-member Korean pop group.

After putting away the games and washing out the drink cups, Baekhyun grabs his bag and heads down to the spare room. Hyejin hadn’t been kidding—the bed is barely a full. Bigger than the twins at the dorm, but he and Chanyeol together will be a tight fit. Baekhyun’s not about to sleep on the couch, though, so they’ll have to make do.

Chanyeol trips through the door about ten minutes later, looking refreshed and exhausted as he towels his hair. He’s only wearing boxers and Baekhyun tries not to stare, noticing how Chanyeol’s filled out since the last time Baekhyun saw this much of his skin. It’s not all muscle and Baekhyun hides a smile at Hyejin fattening him up after all, busying himself with his phone just in time for Chanyeol’s face to emerge from beneath his towel turban and peer at him.

“What are you doing?” Chanyeol asks.

“Trying to decide which ridiculous shot of you I want to post on Instagram,” Baekhyun replies easily, scrolling through the multitude of pictures and videos he’d taken that day. He settles on the dumb face Chanyeol had made just before the big reveal and holds up his phone. “How about this one?”

“Too sexy,” Chanyeol says seriously. “I’ll have to beat them away with sticks.”

“You already do,” Baekhyun points out, then yelps as Chanyeol snaps him with the wet towel. “Hey!”

“Go shower already. I want to go to sleep.”

“Fine, fine.”

Baekhyun takes his time in the shower much like Chanyeol had done, taking advantage of the rare free time to relax and enjoy the warm water beating down on his sore body. Rehearsals had been brutal this week and one day off was hardly enough to recuperate. He uses Hyejin’s shampoo instead of his own and feels his scalp tingle even after his hair is dry.

“You’re the only guy I know who blow-dries his hair before bed,” Chanyeol comments when Baekhyun returns. “It would have dried on its own in five minutes.”

“Then it would look funny,” Baekhyun says, wrinkling his nose at the thought of his hair sticking straight up and matted to his face.

“Literally nobody is here to care!” Chanyeol exclaims, then sighs. “I suppose I should be happy you’re not wearing eyeliner to bed.”

“Hey, that was _once_ , and the eye infection I got was enough to stop me from ever doing it again!” Baekhyun tosses his bag into the corner and crawls up on the bed next to Chanyeol. “Budge over. We’re gonna have to make this work.”

“If you can share a twin with _Sehun_ , I’m confident that won’t be a problem,” Chanyeol scoffs.

“Jealous?” Baekhyun teases, rubbing his arm against Chanyeol’s back as Chanyeol turns onto his side. “You can pretend I’m a human stuffed animal too if you want. I did elbow him in the face once, though. On accident.”

“I know, he whined about it for three days.” Chanyeol mumbles. “I think we’ll be okay. Good night.”

“Good night, Chanyeollie.”

Baekhyun falls right to sleep, his knuckles still resting against Chanyeol’s spine. It can’t be much later when he wakes, flat on his back with his limbs spread out across the mattress. He’s alone, but the baby gurgles from the next room tell him exactly where Chanyeol is.

The last thing he wants to do is get up, but his feet carry him out of the spare room and the short distance down the hall to Haenim’s open doorway. He leans against the door frame as his eyes adjust. Slowly, he focuses on the tall figure in the rocking chair with the very awake baby girl in his arms, whispering soothingly to her and swaying her from side to side to calm her down.

Sleep clouds his mind enough for his thoughts to roam free. Three years ago, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were assigned to the same dorm room and became instant friends. They were both loud and obnoxious and even though their tastes varied, they could tolerate each other’s favorites well enough. The fans started pairing them together and they were happy to oblige, hugging and talking quietly at every opportunity to rile them up. Baekhyun loved it. He had thought Chanyeol loved it too.

It wasn’t even all fanservice. Baekhyun would lounge on Chanyeol even when they were the only two in the room and confident that there were no hidden cameras. Despite spending nearly all of their time together, they never got sick of each other; in the rare instances where they were split up for individual activities, they were constantly exchanging messages. By the time the first anniversary of their group passed, Baekhyun felt so close to Chanyeol that even the term ‘best friend’ wasn’t good enough to describe him. He was just Chanyeol.

Chanyeol kissed him that summer. They had been running on fumes for about a month, catching two to three hours of sleep per night between rehearsals and appearances. That entire year is a whirlwind of sparkles and basslines in Baekhyun’s memory, but that particular day stands out from the rest. Baekhyun’s kissed his friends before, but this didn’t fit the pattern at all. It wasn’t late at night, they weren’t drunk, and they weren’t alone; Kyungsoo was actually in the shower when Baekhyun had stumbled into the bathroom to brush his teeth, one eye barely open.

When he turned to leave, Chanyeol pressed him up against the sink and crushed their mouths together. It was five o’clock in the morning and all Baekhyun could do was reciprocate, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and holding on while Chanyeol devoured him. It lasted forever and not long enough at the same time, Baekhyun blinking incredulously up at him when Chanyeol had finally pulled away.

“Think about it,” Chanyeol had said, his deep morning voice vibrating Baekhyun’s chest, and then he was gone.

Baekhyun thought about it for approximately four hours before he dragged Chanyeol into the bathroom at the studio. It was rushed and rough and so, so hot that Baekhyun gets goosebumps just thinking about it. He wouldn’t have expected someone like Chanyeol to be so _passionate_ when exchanging handjobs in a dirty bathroom stall, but he was. From the first time until the last, Baekhyun felt so seduced by Chanyeol’s touch that he couldn’t focus on anything else when they were together.

They didn’t talk about it; they didn’t have to. Not every night, but more often than not one of them would slip into the other’s bed. If they were still curled together in the morning, none of the other members batted an eyelash. Nothing changed in the daylight; Baekhyun and Chanyeol were still inseparable. Baekhyun was even happier sharing something so private with Chanyeol. He kept it a secret not because he was ashamed but because he loved having something that was only between him and Chanyeol, something that felt so good to both of them.

Their next single hadn’t even dropped when suddenly it was all over. Chanyeol stopped responding to him. Baekhyun kept trying to ask what was wrong, what he did to make Chanyeol pull away from him, but Chanyeol just kept saying that he couldn’t do this anymore. He requested to switch rooms and everything Baekhyun had gotten used to was gone. That winter was so cold, and not just because of the temperature.

The next spring, SNSD’s Kim Taeyeon showed an interest in him and he would have had to be an idiot to turn her down. She was so pretty and smart and positive, just what Baekhyun needed to bounce back. Baekhyun told her what she wanted to hear and treated her how she wanted to be treated and she rewarded him accordingly. The first time they had sex was in the backseat of her car behind the SM dorm building and it was such a cathartic release that Baekhyun thought this might work out after all. They went well together.

Then, out of nowhere, Chanyeol started talking to him again. He kept his distance, but it was obvious he wanted to be friends again and Baekhyun was so happy that he had to hold himself back from glomping Chanyeol like an overgrown dog. In the many, many times Baekhyun had thought about why Chanyeol had just walked away from him, the most common explanation was that despite being the one to start the whole thing, Chanyeol wasn’t into it anymore. The messing around and literally sleeping together coupled with all the fanservice was just too much for him. Baekhyun understands that. Really, he does. He just wishes Chanyeol would have told him instead of cutting him off completely. It would have been an adjustment, but Baekhyun could have gone back to the way they were before. Chanyeol was important to him beyond anything they did under the covers.

Now that he was in an official relationship with Taeyeon, Chanyeol didn’t have to worry about things escalating between them anymore. It made perfect sense to Baekhyun, especially considering how comfortable Chanyeol got with him as time went on. This year could have been debut era all over again, the pair of them clinging to each other and generally being annoying together. They don’t always have the same online classes, but they usually study together and quiz each other along with Junmyeon. One of Baekhyun’s favorite things about college is writing a paper while curled up against Chanyeol’s side, his head resting on Chanyeol’s shoulder while he flips through textbooks and clicks around on his laptop.

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol now, wondering where they went wrong. He’s so glad that Chanyeol’s a big part of his life again that he doesn’t usually focus on the past anymore. Especially since Taeyeon had dumped him for another man, he’s grown rather fond of Chanyeol as a person. He had been planning this surprise since the moment Baekbeom had told him that Hyejin was pregnant, which was while he was still with Taeyeon and before Chanyeol had gotten close to him again. For almost a year, he’s been imagining Chanyeol’s reaction when he saw Baekhyun’s niece for the first time, and it was worth every time Baekhyun had to bite his tongue to keep from announcing it to the world.

“You should see your face right now,” comes a whisper from behind him, and it’s a credit to how tired Baekhyun is that he doesn’t even jump. “I bet you never looked at Taeyeon like that.”

“You wouldn’t know if I did or not,” Baekhyun replies just as quietly. He doesn’t quite want Chanyeol to know he has an audience yet. “I really did love her, hyung. I just want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me.”

“You’re such a martyr,” Baekbeom mutters. “If you loved her, you could have made it work.”

“Things don’t always work out that way in real life,” Baekhyun tells him, frowning at the accusation. “Especially for two people who love our jobs as much as we do. We can’t have both. This is the first time I’ve had a moment to breathe since our tour started. It’s unfair to make anyone wait this long for me.”

“Just remember who you chose to take that breath with.”

Baekhyun’s frown deepens as his brother claps him on the shoulder. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know my life at all.”

“Maybe I don’t,” Baekbeom says, “but I know _you_. Don’t let the spotlight blind you so much that you can’t see what’s right in front of you.”

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Baekhyun asks pointedly. “Chanyeol won’t always be here to tend to your newborn in the middle of the night for you, so take advantage of it.”

He expects Baekbeom to thrust more of his unsolicited brotherly advice upon him, but soft footsteps head across the hall and through the door that closes loudly enough to alert Chanyeol to a presence in the doorway.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says, just as awake as the baby girl in his arms. “Did we wake you?”

“I don’t really know what woke me,” Baekhyun admits. His exhaustion hits him so fast that he sways, eyes scanning the dark room for another sitting surface. Unless he’s going to crawl into Haenim’s crib, the rocking chair is the only option. “Share, kid.”

“Wha— _oof_ ,” Chanyeol mutters, grabbing onto Haenim as Baekhyun climbs into his lap with her. Baekhyun has a knack for fitting into small spaces and this is no different, Haenim stretched across both of their laps while Baekhyun curls up in Chanyeol’s. “You are _so heavy_.”

“Deal with it.” Baekhyun rests his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder and rests his arm along Haenim’s side, smiling when she grabs his finger. “You wouldn’t be so weak if you’d come lift with us every now and then.”

“My legs are going to fall asleep,” Chanyeol complains, but Baekhyun doesn’t move and Chanyeol sighs into his hair as he reluctantly wraps one arm around him. “I hope you’re comfortable.”

“Very,” Baekhyun answers. The song comes from nowhere; it’s not exactly a lullabye, but it’s the first thing that pops into his mind. The words he’s known forever flow from his voice, clear and flawless as usual. If being an idol has taught Baekhyun nothing else, it’s how to sing properly while half asleep and partially conscious.

It’s a popular song, so he’s not at all surprised when Chanyeol joins in. Chanyeol’s rough voice complements Baekhyun’s and all at once Baekhyun understands why Haenim had been so content to lie against Chanyeol’s chest when he spoke—it feels like his entire body vibrates from the depth of Chanyeol’s voice, leaving a pleasant buzz that spreads all the way to his fingers and toes.

“My brother sang that to me when I was sick once,” Baekhyun says, sharing the memory as it comes back to him. “I couldn’t have been more than five years old. I had something awful, like pneumonia. I was so pitiful. All I remember is that I felt like I was gonna die. Baekbeom was busy with his studies and lessons, but he made time to take care of me. I think he thought I was gonna die too.”

“Is he a good singer?” Chanyeol asks.

“Not as good as me, but…” Baekhyun trails off as Chanyeol gently whacks him in the back of the head. “Hey! How do you expect her to fall asleep if you keep jerking around?”

“ _I’m_ jerking around?” Chanyeol hisses. “You two are the ones who sleep like eggbeaters.”

“Maybe we’re just normal and you’re the weird one.” Baekhyun’s eyes fall shut. The combination of Chanyeol’s voice and the dull thud of his heartbeat easily lulls Baekhyun back to sleep, much to the annoyance of Chanyeol whose frustrated grumble is the last thing he hears.

He’s not as nearly comfortable when he wakes, the arm of the rocking chair digging into his back and he’s already whining before he’s fully conscious. “ _Chanyeollie_ , you moved.”

“ _You_ moved,” Chanyeol tells him, his voice barely a breath. “Balancing the pair of you like this is like juggling unconscious humans.”

Baekhyun opens his eyes enough to look down at the infant, just as active as before but now with closed eyes. “She’s asleep!”

“Yes, now get up so I can put her back in her crib.”

Baekhyun’s entire body hurts as he slinks out of the rocking chair, slumping gracelessly to the floor. He quickly learns that he got the better end of the deal as Chanyeol walks awkwardly like his legs really are numb, barely returning Haenim to her crib before collapsing against it.

Chanyeol eyes Baekhyun as he grips onto the wooden railings. “Since it is entirely your fault that I have no circulation in my legs, you have to carry me back to our room.”

“Okay, princess,” Baekhyun teases. He’s not even about to try and pick Chanyeol up bridal style (though he totally could), but he manages to get Chanyeol onto his back and amuses himself the entire way thinking about how ridiculous they look with Chanyeol’s gangly limbs latching onto him like an overgrown monkey.

Once back in the spare room, he unceremoniously dumps Chanyeol onto the bed and burrows under the covers next to him. “Sleep. Now.”

“Get used to it, Uncle Baekhyunnie,” Chanyeol says as he settles in next to Baekhyun. “Someday you’re gonna have kids that you have to get up in the middle of the night for.”

“Maybe,” Baekhyun says thoughtfully. “Or I can just come play with yours.”

Chanyeol’s laugh shakes the whole bed. “I suppose I could spare some, since I will apparently have a whole school of them.”

“It will be a shame if you don’t,” Baekhyun says. “You sure have a lot of love to give.”

“I do, don’t I?”

It’s an open-ended question, but it leaves Baekhyun recalling the comfort of his arms, tired enough to seek it out again. “Dammit, Chanyeol, come here.”

“Huh? What are you—” Chanyeol’s breath hitches as Baekhyun sneaks under his arm and curls right up against his side. “You sure are clingy when you’re sleepy.”

“That’s not a new development,” Baekhyun says pointedly. Suddenly he’s wide awake and very aware of the way Chanyeol’s heart speeds up at the closeness. It wasn’t like this when they were holding Haenim. “I’m clingy when I’m awake too, since we’ve just met and all.”

“Ha ha,” Chanyeol says dryly. “I spent so long trying to forget what this felt like that I seem to have misplaced that unimportant piece of knowledge, too.”

“Ouch,” Baekhyun says, frowning into Chanyeol’s collarbone. “Why are you still so bitter? I thought you said you were over it.”

“Are we really going to talk about this right now?” Chanyeol asks, his body tensing. “It’s four o’clock in the morning.”

“If it bothers you, we definitely should talk about it.” Baekhyun leans up on his elbows to look at Chanyeol’s face. Chanyeol stares at the ceiling. “I just got you back in my life, Chanyeollie. I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Stop saying shit like that,” Chanyeol says firmly, so low that it’s almost a growl. “You have no idea what the effect of your words are.”

“Tell me, then. Chanyeol, tell me how you feel right now.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, and after a minute Baekhyun’s deciding whether to give up or press him. He ends up not having to do either when Chanyeol sits straight up, shoving Baekhyun away from him and almost clear off the bed. Baekhyun waits for it, mentally preparing himself for the inevitable explosion that has been two years forthcoming.

“I—I don’t know how to feel right now,” Chanyeol finally says, much less intense than Baekhyun expected. He almost looks defeated, like he’s spent this entire time arguing with himself and still managed to lose. “This was easier when you had a girlfriend.”

“Why?” Baekhyun asks. “I’m still the same person.”

“It…” Chanyeol trails off, heaving a sigh that’s bigger than he is (if that’s possible) before flopping right onto his back, physically deflated like a giant balloon of a person. Baekhyun would laugh if the air between them wasn’t so thick, so serious. “ _Baekhyun_.”

“Yes?” Baekhyun answers. “Chanyeol, just let it out. You’ll feel better, and, well. It’s not like I have anywhere to go if I don’t like what you have to say. That couch is the same one my parents had when I was growing up and I can assure you I’d rather sleep on hot coals.”

That has Chanyeol scoffing. “Yeah, okay. _Fine_. You want to hear it? Here it is. It was so easy for you to mess around with me and act like I was your most important person back then. It felt good. I liked it a lot, the idea of meaning something to someone, to you. But the longer it went on, the longer it started meaning something to _me_ , something that terrified me more than anything. As much as I tried, I couldn’t look at you the same anymore. That’s why I ended it.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says slowly as everything he’d thought he’d known shatters before his eyes. “Did you have feelings for me?”

“Yes.” Chanyeol squeezes his eyes shut, like this will be less awful if he can’t see Baekhyun at all. “It was horrible. I’ve never been so miserable as when I was in love with you.”

“I’m so sorry,” Baekhuyn tells him, feeling it with every bit of his heart. “I had no idea you were going through that.”

“It’s my own fault, really.” Chanyeol inhales slowly, the deep breath he might have needed for much longer than just right now. “I knew you were straight and I fell for you anyway. I felt so stupid. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.”

Baekhyun bites his lip to keep from laughing; as much as he wants to, he doesn’t want to upset Chanyeol anymore than he already has. “Chanyeollie, I’m not straight.”

“Don’t even sit there and try to tell me you’re into guys when you were with Taeyeon-noona for the better part of a year—”

“For a gay man, you’re not very up to date on the LGBT movement,” Baekhyun points out. “It’s not just gay or straight, you know.”

“You like both?” Chanyeol asks, peeking through his arms like he expects this to be a big joke.

“I like _all_ ,” Baekhyun corrects him. “I don’t care what’s in someone’s pants—I’m good with whatever they’ve got. And if I’m correctly following this whole Korean drama subplot you just laid on me, you remember perfectly well that I had absolutely no problem with what’s in _your_ pants.”

“Did Taeyeon-noona know?” Chanyeol asks. “About that…about us…”

“Yes and no,” Baekhyun answers truthfully. “She knew I was attracted to all genders, but I never told her about you. It wasn’t her business.”

“Baekhyun, you told the entire dorm every time you made out with her, in explicit detail.”

“Yes, well…” Baekhyun scratches his head. “I don’t have a good reason for that. It was different with you. More private.”

“You’re something else,” Chanyeol says, but he looks considerably happier now. “Are we done talking about it?”

“No.” Baekhyun rolls onto his stomach, folding his hands under his chin like a teenage girl waiting to share secrets at a sleepover. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“ _Baekhyun_ …”

“Answer me.”

“I _didn’t_ ,” Chanyeol emphasizes, nearly spitting out the negation like the force alone will make it true. “Then you brought me here and shared your _family_ with me and I can’t help it. I am only human. You have always been special to me and just…I’m sorry, I’ll get over it. Again.”

“What if I don’t want you to?”

Baekhyun expects Chanyeol to protest, not glare at him like he said something incredibly insulting. “Don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t do this to me. Don’t act like you can just snap your fingers and have feelings for me because I have them for you. Don’t for one minute think that everything will magically be okay now that we’re older and more sure of what we want. We have the rest of the group to think about, too. They’ve been through enough, don’t you think? We don’t need to add our drama to the mix.”

“Are you done making excuses yet?” Baekhyun asks, blinking sarcastically. “Because I think it’s my turn to talk.”

“Go ahead.” Chanyeol lolls his head to the side, flashing an unimpressed expression. Baekhyun wants to kiss it right off his face. He doesn’t even remember what it feels like to kiss Chanyeol.

“I am not, nor have I ever been, in love with you,” Baekhyun begins, staring straight into Chanyeol’s big eyes are he speaks. “That doesn’t mean it didn’t kill me when you just stopped talking to me after we got so close. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it when you smile at me, or when we held my niece together just now. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy your company, or care about what happens to you, or deeply enjoy making you happy to the point where I drag you on a four-hour train ride and tell literally no one about the new addition to my family just so I can see the look on your face when you see her for the first time.”

Chanyeol’s wide eyes are satisfying. Baekhyun thinks he could make a lifetime out of surprising him, worth all the effort and the secrets just to see him in shock like this, over and over again.

“What is love, anyway?” Baekhyun muses out loud. “I love my brother. I loved Taeyeon-noona. I love you. What’s the difference? Is it just the sex stuff? How do you know you when you’re in love with someone?”

“Because it _hurts_ , idiot,” Chanyeol tells him. “When you’re not together, it’s so physically painful you can’t stand it. When they’re mad at you, it tears you up inside. Even when they’re upset and it has nothing to do with you, you ache for them. You’d do anything for them to be happy and it _sucks_ because you _can’t_. Love is nothing but trouble.”

Baekhyun remembers emails full of sad emojis when he or Taeyeon had to cancel their plans. Every time they argued, it had to do with Baekhyun not being as upset about it as she was. He just didn’t see the point in wallowing over it. He’d figured that was a guy thing. Listening to Chanyeol now, he feels like an asshole. No wonder she’d sought out the affection of someone else.

“So what’s the point, then?” he asks.

Chanyeol takes a breath, an even inhale and exhale that somehow calms Baekhyun as well. “I haven’t figured that out yet, but there must be one or so many people wouldn’t devote their lives to finding it.”

“I don’t get it,” Baekhyun says. “It hurt when you weren’t talking to me and I’m sad when you’re sad—which isn’t very often because you’re the happiest person on the planet, by the way. That’s something I really like about you. You’re fun and excitable like a puppy except as a person, which makes it moderately less creepy that I thought about kissing you two minutes ago when you were giving me that face you always give me when you think everything I’m saying is actual bullshit.”

“I don’t want to create another rift between us.” Chanyeol stretches his arm out to grab Baekhyun’s hand, which grips back like they’re about to ride a particularly thrilling roller coaster instead of sitting stationary on his brother’s spare bed spilling their souls to each other. “I worked _so hard_ to be able to look at you without my heart breaking and I don’t think I can go through that again.”

“To be fair,” Baekhyun points out, “you never told me about your feelings back then. Things might have been different if you had.”

“You think so?” Chanyeol asks, half sarcastic and half wistful. “I doubt it, Baekhyun. We were dumb kids. We still are. We’ve done nothing tonight except talk in circles.”

“You’re looking at this from the wrong angle.” Baekhyun laces their fingers together, inhaling sharply at the current that shoots through his nervous system when Chanyeol’s thumb rubs his knuckle. “We don’t need to decide anything right now, right? A few hours ago we weren’t even thinking about settling down until we’re _thirty_. Maybe by then we’ll have sorted out all of these stupid feelings.”

Chanyeol stares at him. “What are you saying?”

Honestly, Baekhyun has no idea what he’s saying. His guard has been down since he first saw Chanyeol rocking Haenim like she was his own and Baekhyun had thought that maybe, just maybe, this might be a prelude to his future, but that’s too scary to even admit to himself let alone speak out loud. He’s talking in circles because he can’t bring himself to say what’s really on his mind, that this entire trip has made him see Chanyeol differently, as someone who is still a part of his life long after the last encore.

Chanyeol’s giving him that look again, undoubtedly taking Baekhyun’s hesitation as evidence that he’s just trying to appease Chanyeol like anyone else who wants his attention. Baekhyun doesn’t blame him one bit, because that’s how he treats his fans and the other members all the time, but Baekhyun had left that face on the train. In fact, Chanyeol hasn’t seen that face since the night he called it off, when Baekhyun had just shrugged and pretended it wasn’t a big deal.

He doesn’t know where to begin explaining any of that, so he just makes good on his threat from earlier and grabs Chanyeol by the jaw, pressing their lips firmly together. All at once he remembers why they started messing around to begin with, because neither one of them could ignore the spark that ignited when they touched. That spark is still there, infinitely stronger from lying dormant for so long, surging its way through Baekhyun’s body so fast that he’s physically shaking when they pull apart.

His lips tingle and all he can think is that it worked—Chanyeol’s not making that face at him anymore. He doesn’t look surprised either, which is only disappointing until Baekhyun sees the flash in his eyes.

“Are we done talking now?” Baekhyun asks, lowering his hands to Chanyeol’s shoulders because he’s having a rough time holding himself up. Now that he’s relaxed, his need to sleep has returned full force.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says slowly, licking his lips. “We’re done talking.”

“I’m so _tired_ ,” Baekhyun whines, flopping back into his side and settling against Chanyeol’s chest like he belongs there. “Feelings are exhausting.”

“Don’t you dare go to sleep, Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol warns, voice so stern that Baekhyun’s eyes fly open, cowering under the form that hovers over him. “You can’t just unleash two years of pent-up emotions and turn away. Kiss me properly, at least.”

Baekhyun grins up at him. “I was your first kiss, wasn’t I?”

“What? No, you weren’t.” Chanyeol smirks when Baekhyun’s face falls. “You were the first one that mattered, though.”

“Get down here,” Baekhyun orders, and he can barely move his arms out of the way before Chanyeol crashes on top of him. Their mouths collide and Baekhyun can feel everything Chanyeol’s been holding back for so long: the way he loops his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders to hold him tight, the way he entwines their legs to press together from head to toe, and especially the way he kisses with such fervor that Baekhyun forgets everything except Chanyeol and how amazing this feels.

Chanyeol doesn’t kiss him for nearly long enough, but judging by the way he just rolls to the side and passes right out, his energy meter must have been completely depleted. Baekhyun should be grateful that he can finally go back to sleep, but he fights to keep his eyes open and watch Chanyeol’s face relax in slumber, sifting his fingers through Chanyeol’s short hair as he worms his way back into Chanyeol’s arms. It’s ten thousand times more comfortable than a rocking chair and Baekhyun’s out like a light, which is ironically starting to break the darkness outside their window.

It’s much brighter when he feels Chanyeol shift next to him. “Baby,” Chanyeol says, his deep morning voice coming out monotone.

“I missed you calling me that so much,” Baekhyun mumbles sleepily, snuggling up as close as he can to the person who in the course of twenty-four hours has stolen his heart or something less dramatic.

A piercing shriek in his ear has his eyes flying open way sooner than he’s ready, his vision slowly focusing on the little person in a yellow onesie flopping around on Chanyeol’s belly like a tiny octopus.

“Baby,” Chanyeol repeats, pointing to Haenim. “That’s cute that you thought I was talking to you, though.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Baekhyun whines, rolling onto his back with a painful stretch. His muscles are even sorer today and he gives up hoping for any kind of relief until he’s thirty. “How did she even get—”

His blood runs cold as he looks straight ahead, finding his brother and sister-in-law standing at the edge of the bed with identical smirks on their faces. Hyejin waves and Baekhyun pulls the covers over his head, wishing for the mattress to swallow him up or at least go back ten minutes so that he wouldn’t be all over Chanyeol like a needy leech when half of his family walks in the room.

It quickly gets too hot to breathe, all four of them looking at him in amusement when he flings off the covers and frowns, folding his arms across his chest in a true tantrum.

“Whatever, hyung was right, please don’t make a big deal out of it,” he says.

Baekbeom grins proudly. “No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” Baekhyun agrees, happily accepting Chanyeol’s sloppy good-morning kiss on his cheek. .

That promise has him standing in front of all eight of his group mates, feeling incredibly nervous like he’s about to give an important presentation on something he knows nothing about. He distracts himself by inwardly making fun of Sehun’s pineapple bangs and feels better.

“I asked you all here because I have news,” Baekhyun begins.

“If you leave the group, I will personally kick your ass,” Jongdae snaps, making both Jongin and Yixing gasp. “I will illegally download your solo album and burn it to CD just to _set it on fire_.”

“Can I have his lines?” Sehun asks.

“Don’t be stupid,” Kyungsoo says, and Baekhyun’s heart swells at _someone_ having faith in him until— “You can’t even sing that high.”

“I can do it,” Minseok offers.

“I’M NOT LEAVING THE GROUP,” Baekhyun roars. “What the hell, you guys?”

“Oh, thank god,” Junmyeon says, covering his face with both hands as he rocks back and forth in the fetal position. “I don’t know what I would have done…”

Both Jongin and Yixing throw their arms around him, telling him that everything is okay and they will personally castrate Baekhyun if he ever does leave. Baekhyun taps his foot impatiently, hands on his hips while he waits for Junmyeon’s latest leader crisis to subside.

“If you’re done being idiots,” Baekhyun begins, “I have something important to show you.”

He points his phone at the TV, which isn’t even really necessary with the Bluetooth connection but it gives him a sense of control as the screen fills with his brother’s front yard and Chanyeol’s dumb face.

“Are you two finally coming out?” Jongdae asks excitedly, and Chanyeol punches him in the arm.

They all watch as Hyejin comes into focus, holding out the baby like Rafiki had presented Simba to the pride in _The Lion King_.

“I have a niece,” Baekhyun says proudly. “Her name is Byun Haenim.”

“Chanyeol’s _face_ ,” Kyungsoo says, eyes widening in surprise. “That’s probably the only girl he’s ever been whipped over in his entire life.”

Baekhyun throws his arms in the air. “Did everyone know about that but me?”

“That Chanyeol only likes the D?” Jongdae asks. “Um, yes.”

Even Jongin gives Baekhyun a sympathetic look. “How did you _not_ know, hyung?”

“He never told me!”

“You were the _first_ person I told,” Chanyeol says pointedly, and Baekhyun hopes he hides his blush as he turns back to the TV.

“Also, Taeyeon-noona and I broke up,” he goes on, wincing at the gasps. “In February.”

Seven faces just stare at him, most of which look like Baekhyun had physically slapped them.

Baekhyun inhales deeply before pushing all his words out at once: “We’re still friends and we’re not announcing it officially because she’s seeing someone who’s not famous and I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me so let’s just never speak of it again, okay?”

“Fine,” Kyungsoo agrees, followed by hums of agreement from the others. “Anything else you’ve been keeping from us?”

Baekhyun purposely doesn’t look at Chanyeol. “I’m pansexual?” he offers with a big grin.

“Tell us something we don’t know, please,” Jongdae teases, leaving Kyungsoo’s question unanswered as Sehun makes the tasteless joke about being attracted to cookware. It doesn’t count as lying if he doesn’t outright deny it, right?

Much later, the lights are out for maybe five minutes when ungraceful footsteps pad down the hallway, a giant shadow lurking around the corner.

“Go away, maknae,” Baekhyun grumbles. “Tell Junmyeon-hyung there’s no way he’s gonna memorize those finance equations before tomorrow’s test and he should just give in and cheat like me and Chanyeol.”

“I’m not Sehun,” says a deep voice, one that has Baekhyun shuddering as he automatically scoots over to welcome Chanyeol next to him. “And Junmyeon-hyung would cut off his dick before he cheated on anything.”

Baekhyun wrinkles his nose. “Don’t talk about his dick when you’re in bed with me.”

Chanyeol’s obnoxious bark of laughter turns into a soft moan when Baekhyun flings both arms around him, craving the closeness after several hours of pretending that nothing was going on between them. After an entire day of being pressed against Chanyeol’s side, even on the long train ride home, the separation was _excruciating_.

“We’re gonna have to tell them eventually, you know,” Chanyeol whispers. “It’s dishonest to sneak around like this, and besides you’re not subtle at all. Case in point: right now.”

“How can we tell them something we don’t even understand ourselves?” Baekhyun asks, burrowing his face into Chanyeol’s neck to inhale his enticing scent. Now that he’s allowed himself to give into his feelings, he’s got it bad. “‘Hey guys, we’re not really calling it anything but sometimes Chanyeol and I might make out for no reason’.”

“Makes sense to me,” Chanyeol says, laughing again when Baekhyun shoves at him with no strength behind it. “When you’re done deciding whether you want to pull me closer or push me away, you should look at your phone. Your brother sent us both the same email.”

“If it’s a photo manipulation of our wedding, tell him we already have a million,” Baekhyun mutters, making no effort to reach all the way across his bed for his phone. “Just show me yours.”

“I didn’t bring it with me,” Chanyeol says. “Unlike you, I don’t fill my Instagram with pictures of my own sleeping face.”

“My last three posts have been _your_ face, thank you very much.” Baekhyun sighs as he heaves himself up and stretches across Chanyeol. “This better be worth it.”

He looks up in time to see Chanyeol blatantly checking out his backside and wiggles it pointedly. “See something you want, Park Chanyeol?”

“In due time,” Chanyeol answers evasively, only a little flushed at being caught staring. “That would be one way to tell everyone, though.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Baekhyun blanches as he sits back up, phone in hand. “Can we at least do it in your room? I don’t mind them hearing, but that’s way too private for other people to just walk out here and see.”

“ _Baby_ ,” Chanyeol says pointedly, enveloping Baekhyun from behind. “Why does you only wanting to fuck me behind closed doors sound incredibly romantic?”

“Because you’re incredibly weird,” Baekhyun tells him, squinting at the harsh glow of his phone as he pretends not to be affected by the term of endearment he’d subconsciously wanted to hear this morning.

“Get used to it,” Chanyeol tells him. “This is what you signed up for.”

Despite his efforts to remain nonchalant, Baekhyun’s grin breaks through and he leans back into the comfortable embrace. “Since the day I met you.”

Chanyeol just hums as Baekhyun loads the email, which has a PowerPoint presentation attached. Each slide is a picture that Baekhyun had no idea was being taken, starting with Baekhyun filming Chanyeol in Baekbeom’s front yard and ending with the two of them saying goodbye to Haenim, holding her between them as they both press very big, very unwanted kisses to her cheeks.

“My face,” Baekhyun gasps, unable to see anything except the way he looks at Chanyeol slide after slide. There are even a couple videos, including Baekhyun’s attempts at feeding Chanyeol left-handed while Chanyeol gives Haenim a bottle. “Ooh, I should put this one on Instagram.”

“You might want to edit out your lovesick face first,” Chanyeol says, resting his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder. His breath tickles Baekhyun’s collarbone where his T-shirt gapes open and it makes him shiver. “Read what he wrote.”

Baekhyun swipes back over to the email and peers at the typed hangul. “‘My wife and I hope you enjoyed your enlightening stay in our home last night. If you ever question your choices, just revisit this slideshow. I’ve never watched anyone fall in love right in front of my eyes until it happened to my little brother. Please take care of each other and feel free to come baby-sit any time’.”

He bites his lip and Chanyeol squeezes him, containing his overwhelming emotions in those long arms. “I think your brother missed his calling as a tabloid photographer,” Chanyeol jokes.

“The fans would pay more for these than my bathtub pictures,” Baekhyun says. “We better send Hyejin-noona a nice birthday present this year so she doesn’t sell us out.”

“Whatever it takes.” Chanyeol follows his words with a nip to the sensitive spot on the back of Baekhyun’s neck, sending him into a jerking frenzy.

“Hey!” he exclaims, dropping his phone into the tangled mess they’ve made out of his covers as he tries to stay quiet. “What was that for?!”

“Pay attention to me,” Chanyeol says, displaying a spectacular pout when Baekhyun turns around to face him.

“You really are an overgrown puppy,” Baekhyun tells him, patting his head appropriately. “What kind of attention would you like? We have an early call tomorrow.”

“Just lay with me,” Chanyeol rasps, the low timbre of his voice leading Baekhyun to comply without thinking. “During the day our closeness is for the camera, but at night it’s just for us.”

Baekhyun agrees with a kiss, stretching out halfway on top of Chanyeol for the utmost comfort. Chanyeol’s arms wrap around him tightly as their mouths slide together, fitting perfectly like they’d been doing this longer than one whole day. Baekhyun supposes they were doing it long before then, but that seems like a different lifetime compared to now. No matter what, he promises himself, he won’t make the same mistake twice. He won’t let Chanyeol walk away from him again.

The sun rises on a new day and despite being the first ones awake, it takes approximately one yawn and a “Chanyeol-hyung’s bed is so _comfortable_!” from Sehun for everyone in the dorm to put the pieces together.

“You mean they weren’t already dating?” is Jongdae’s only concern when the other four members gleefully share the news with M.

“Don’t fuck things up between you two again,” Junmyeon lectures, and Baekhyun wonders why they even bother keeping secrets in this group.

“So much for staying private,” Chanyeol mutters under his breath, but he’s smiling.

“It could be worse,” Baekhyun says. “They didn’t look through our phones yet.”

He doesn’t even password-protect his email app. Now that he’s being honest with himself, he can face anything head on.


End file.
